There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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