plz talk dirty to me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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