Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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