I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize