It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
