Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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