your room smells of hookers.
And success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
