At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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