Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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