Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
