At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
