I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
