His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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