Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am available for nakedness
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
