So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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