Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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