when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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