Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
