just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
