I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
