you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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