we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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