batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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