I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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