I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
