I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
