Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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