I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im holly from the hills drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
