If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
