She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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