They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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