You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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