he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
