Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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