she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
