I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
two words: eviction party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
a search helicopter?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize