i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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