Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
