Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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