yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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