I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
