I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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