nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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