so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
