I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
