Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
