Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize