The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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