I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
