I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
