she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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