Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
