i already hear my dad disowning me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
