There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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