John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
