I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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