Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
