i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
