don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
