I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
