and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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