the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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