Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
