I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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