Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize