I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
