I just pynch a tree in the face
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
