you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
