Just cropdusted the office
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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