i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
