Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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