I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't deserve a penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
