I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
