why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
