i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
