Are we in a gay sports bar?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
