Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love having hate sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize