So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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