Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
