Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
