NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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