I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
